The Wonderfulness of James Potter's Hair!
by FuNnY cIdE
Summary: Lily giggling? Lily being civil towards Potter? Sirius intelligent? Sirius a gentlemen? James speaking french?Lily and Sirius aggreeing on something? And to think, all this happened because James decided to explain to Lily the wonderfulness that is his ha


A/N: So yeah, short little one-shot fic that's for the most part all dialogue. I was quite bored when I started writing this and it was before going to be completely different. And then I came up with this, and voila.

Disclaimer: I live in a box and therefore own nothing so take whatever you want from me.

"James," Said Lily glancing up from her book. "Due to our new friendship status, could I possibly give you some advice?"

"Of course my dearest Lily darling," Said James with a cheeky grin as he sat down beside her on the couch in the Gryffindor common-room. "My ears will listen to anything that comes from your sweet lips."

"One, don't call me 'your dearest Lily darling.'" She said with and glared at him. "Two, I thought our friendship agreement entitled you'd no longer hit on me-

James interrupted, "I'm not hitting on you, I'm flirting."

"What's the difference?" asked Lily looking at him with a raised eyebrow.

"There's a fine line between hitting on someone and flirting little Evans," Said Sirius plopping on the couch between Lily and James.

"Quite right Sirius, quite right. A very fine line, but a line nonetheless." stated James with an all knowing aura. "However, we are not going to get in to that as Sirius and I disagree on the finer points of crossing the line. So Lils, what is the advice that you plan to give me?"

Lily just stared at them in shock trying to comprehend what exactly it was they were talking about. A line? As far as she was concerned, there was no line, one just flowed right into the other, so if there was any line at all it would be a dotted line and therefore not a line at all as it had holes in it. Lily shook her head, trying to concentrate on the matter at hand. "What?"

"Your second point of advice other than following our agreement," Said James rolling his eyes. "And speaking of agreement, I do believe glaring was forbidden."

"And as I said James on the night we came to said agreement I can not control what my face contorts into when I'm in a not so amiable mood.

"And now for the advice, although I'm positive you've heard it before which makes me wonder why you've never attempted to take it before. You know you should let your delicate ears listen to other people's thoughts on some occasions as said people's thoughts could prove quite interesting and make you look quite a bit better. –

"You don't think I'm fat do you?" squeaked James. He immediately stood up and began to admire his stomach and make sure the extra cookies he had eaten at lunch hadn't affected his waistline. "Padfoot old pal, why couldn't you have warned me that I've been eating too much lately?"

Lily might've laughed out loud if it were not for the fact that James was looking rather distressed and serious, so she settled for shocked surprise instead. She was rather shocked that James had just uttered those words. She had never in her life heard any boy, man, bloke, or guy antagonize about his weight as much as James had just done. Perhaps it was because she had not spent enough time around men, but in all honesty, James' reaction, apart from being incredibly funny, would've made her wonder about his sexual preferences had she not been asked out by him too many times to count. She glanced over at Sirius who was turning his head side to side much like a curious puppy and admiring his friend's figure.

"You look fine Prongsie Boy, maybe you should've let her finish before you got yourself worked up like that."

If what James had said beforehand hadn't shocked her to the very depth of her bones, what Sirius had just said certainly did. Intelligible, Sirius had just said something intelligible and polite. She just stared at him, her mouth open in surprise for a few moments before realizing how creepy that might've looked. "Right, so where were we?"

"Lily my love-

"James," said Lily threateningly as her face started to contort in a rather unique glare.

"That's special Lily, I wish my face would do that," said James with a wink. "And I know, the agreement, I'll try and pay closer attention. But forgive my saying that you just look so ravishing that-

"James!" snapped Lily pleadingly, "Can we continue?"

"Of course my dearest Lily flower!" said James with a lop-sided grin.

Lily just sighed, "Right, so where was I?"

"You were about to state something that would make myself look even more manly and devilishly handsome." He replied with an arrogant smirk and laughed as Lily just rolled her eyes at him.

"Right, so as to make you slightly less ugly than before-

"Lily!" exclaimed James, interrupting her once more. "You hurt me with your mockful tone!"

"Shut up fatty and let me continue," she spat as Sirius sniggered beside her. "Now as I was saying, if you could understand the proper use of a comb, you'd look quite dashing. Now there's my little tidbit of advice, and I sincerely hope you'll use it, because your hair sincerely needs it."

"Lily!" said Sirius shocked. "How dare you suggest such a thing to my Prongsie pal! I'll have you know he's up at the crack of dawn(and by crack of dawn I mean about 5 minutes before he eats his breakfast) making his hair look like that. I wish my hair would appear to be so ruggedly messy, unfortunately I have to settle for suave." said Sirius

"My darling buddy if you could refrain from calling me Prongsie or Prongsie-Poo that would be nice." he said attempting to match one of Lily's glares, the effect being rather humorous. "But besides his annoying name calling, he is quite right. I work quite hard to get this look Lily, and your insulting it is frankly rather insulting."

"Potter," Said Lily raising an eyebrow. "You look like you just got out of bed a minute ago, it's hardly attractive."

"Yes, Lily that's the point!" exclaimed James with the air of a professor who had just taught a student a complicated arithmacy theory. "See, you finally understand the hair. You see, this is a masterpiece on top of my head-

"I think it looks like a mop." She retorted.

"Shush, I am talking." snapped James, "Now as I was saying, this, as you called mop, is actually named I-have-been-out-all-night-and-only-got-one-hour-of-sleep, or simply IHBOANaOGOHoS."

"What?"

"Very manly sounding isn't it? Makes the opposite sex think you're dangerous and mysterious." said James wriggling his eyebrows.

"I agree with Prongsie-Pie here, it's extremely manly sounding."

"I think you're both mad." said Lily, "Not to mention, your hair looks the exact same way everyday, so why do you have a name for it?"

"Lily! You are shocking and appalling me in many ways today! Honestly, my hair never looks the same two days in a row!"

"Yeah, sometimes Prongsie-Pie-

"Sirius," growled James.

"Really Prongsie-Pie, I was talking. You need to stop interrupting people and growling, Lily I think you should add that to the agreement."

"I truly think so as well Sirius, I also think that we should give James here some manners lessons." said Lily although now slightly intrigued with the whole hair ordeal to want to continue on any other tangent. "So, do tell me James, what is your next work of art?"

"Well you see Lily, this one is rather unique. It is quite similar to IHBOANaOGOHoS, only it requires much more upkeep during the day and with slight differences." He said matter-of-factly and then proceeded to run his hands through his hair making it even messier than normal. "And this is what I prefer to call I-have-just-spent-the-last-hour-snogging-in-the-broom-closet-on-the-fifth-floor."

"Or once again, in shorter terms, IHJStLHSitBCotFF," added Sirius with a wicked grin.

"It looks like an even messier mop," said Lily, grinning despite of it all.

"Ah yes Ms Evans, but in a sexier fashion _non_?" Said James wriggling his eyebrows suggestively in her direction, Lily just ignored him. "Padfoot fetch the water, while I entertain the dear Lily flower."

Lily who hadn't expected Sirius to do as he was told, merely jumped up and left. Her eyes glinted suspiciously as she turned to face mop-boy.

"Why do you need water Potter?" She asked, slightly worried at the moment and praying to god that she wasn't about to be the unfortunate victim of one of their pranks, especially one involving water. James however, was too busy pulling at random bits of his hair to notice her distress.

"POTTER!" yelled Lily, in an attempt to gain his attention.

"What?" jumped James reaching for his wand. "Oh, you're just yelling at me again." He said in a slightly put out tone and pocketed his wand once more.

"I'll ask my question one more time. Why do you need water Potter?" She asked, slightly agitated at his incompetence. She might've continued ranting in her head, but unfortunately she just happened to notice that water and Potter oddly rhymed. Lily giggled at the thought.

"Lily?" Asked James, looking quite horrified. "Did you just…giggle?"

"Yes, water and Potter rhyme." She said with a maniacal grin.

Sirius rolled his eyes as he passed the bowl of water to James, "Yes, yes they do, thanks for that Captain Obvious."

"Both of you, stop talking!" shouted James, "I must concentrate."

"I prefer Mistress obvious, much cooler and mysterious sounding." She said, ignoring James' suggestion to refrain from speaking.

"And the water, ah yes, the water. Well you see my little Lily flower, you must prepare yourself for the _Pièce de Résistance!_"

"And what is this hairstyle's name Jamsie Ol' Chap!" She said rolling her eyes slightly, despite her rather comical tone of voice.

"I am not finished! This is a very delicate manner." He said with another attempt a glare, Lily just laughed. She was the glare-master, or rather the _mistress _of all things glareable. "You shall never be as glare-tactular as my self; for I am the Mistress of all things glareable."

"Lily," said Sirius doing his curious puppy head movements once more.

"Yes _Monsieur Noir_?"

"What?" said Sirius looking even more confused.

"It's your name in French, continue."

"Oh, okay," He said and just continued. "I think you've been spending too much time with us as of late. You're acting rather odd and very un-Lilyish."

"No, Jamsie-Poo here just frustrates me on all _les occasions_ that I am _avec vous_. I am actually _régulièrement _odd with _mes amies._ "

"When did you learn to speak French?" Asked Sirius slightly in awe of Lily at the moment. Lily just grinned at him, and got prepared to answer, but she was once more interrupted by the ever ungentlemenly like James Potter.

"Everyone be quiet!" Shouted James, more so for the fact that he hated being left out of the conversation for any length of time rather than he actually wanted Lily and Sirius to be quiet. "I am finished."

"James!" said Sirius in complete awe, his eyes were watering. "You've perfected it, it's truly a masterpiece. You must right this in your hair diary."

"It looks like a wet-" She started, and then that thought processed through her mind. "Wait? James, you have a hair diary?"

"Of course I do Lillian! Every honourable gentleman keeps a hair diary to record the days that he looked his best."

"Alas that would be true if honourable actually meant conceited and you were actually a gentlemen."

"Lily, you insult my manliness," said James looking aghast, "And it is honourable. See this way, when you're old and wrinkly you can read diary and think back on better days."

Lily just rolled her eyes, "James, _vous êtes_ crazy _comme_ _un_ cucumber!"

"Well Lily, _fous_ _ites_ crazier than _une_ cucumber!" He replied gleefully, seemingly proud at his attempt to speak the language.

"James."

"Yes, _ma cherry_!"

"Don't ever speak French again."

"Anything for you my darling," He said and smiled in his oh so charming way, despite having a wet mop attached to his head.

"And remember the agreement Potter, because you're definitely not following our agreement." She said switching in to non crazy Lily mode. "So about the name of this masterpiece; is it any better than the other two?"

"My dearest Lily flower, I am merely flirting with infringing the agreement. That is all, nothing more." he answered in a sing song voice. "And Lily, this hairstyle has the most glorifying name of any, for it implies that I am manly and marvellously good looking all in one glorious manner."

Lily decided it was best to remain seemingly ignorant to that comment.

"It is of course, Hello-ladies-I-Have-just-played-a-fantastic-quidditch-match-and-am-hot-and-sweaty-and-very-manly-looking-at-the-moment."

"And let me guess the short name for that one is HLIHJPaFQMaaHaSaVMLatM." said Lily with slight chuckle.

"No you silly little flower, that would be silly. It's of course I-am-incredibly-dashing-and-Lily-Evans-owes-me-a-snog-for-winning-that-Quidditch-match-so-fantasitically-just-yesterday-afternoon."

"James," said Lily raising an eyebrow, "That's only one word shorter."

James thought for moment, "Oh so, you're right! But of course with such beauty and intelligence; you must always be right! So I must shorten it again, it is now Lily-Evans-owes-me-a-snog."

"Yes, that's most certainly a lot shorter," said Lily nodding her head. "Wait a minute, WHAT!"

F/N: Well that's that, slightly longer than I expected it to be in the first place. But what can you do. Big thanks to Mistina for beta-ing this for me. You're my hero!


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